Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Server Strife

We were pretty dead last night, at least for the first few hours of our shift, so in wandering around being bored, I happened to crack open a trainer's notebook just to see what was inside. On top of the training material, I found a stack of five order sheets containing a list in different handwritings. The list was pretty funny -- a variety of things that we Olive Garden servers hate -- apparently it began the other night and was added to throughout a shift or two.

We continued it tonight, adding two more pages. I was amused enough to want to post it, though you lucky folks who have never been in the business might not fully understand. Keep in mind, too, that some of it was written with humor, particularly the jabs at each other.

Here is the list, my notes in brackets:

* People that bring their own salad dressing
* People who suck their drinks down faster than they get them
* Wayne & Juan & Kristy
* All the above
* Don't pull hair
* Never getting closed!!!!
* People who think they can eat salad for free!!!
* Pasta Bowl peeps [Neverending Pasta Bowl = Server Hell]
* Server lists
* Bussers
* Hosts
* 10% tables
* "Where is the soup and salad bar?" / "Where's your salad bar?"
* Having no tables for 45 minutes and then getting triple sat and getting closed all at the same time.
* CAPPED tables [You know, making a 4-person table into a 5-person table by putting a chair in the only place I can stand at the table]
* "Angel hair spaghetti"
* $1 tips -- really I'd rather be stiffed
* "I'll take the fettucine sauce"
* "I'll take the lemon with the water"
* Jaeger Bombs all night long
* The "big bowl" [As in 'We get the big bowl of salad, right?']
* "I'll take some more rolls, biscuits, etc.." [They're breadsticks, folks. Sticks. They're even stick-shaped.]
* Rose's request!!!
* Shayne's $150 lunch shifts and Stephanie's $1,000 weeks [Can we say B.S.? Thought so!]
* God pamphlets with fake money!!!!!
* People that have everything special. Half unsweet half sweet tea, lots of ice, no lemon
* The fact that it takes J.R. a half hour to tell a five minute story
* Butter for the breadsticks, extra napkins!
* "Don't we just all eat out of the bowl?" [Out of 'the big bowl' of salad]
* Server: "Are you ready to order?"
Guest: "Yeah..."
(As you stand there for 10 minutes!!!)
* 15 million kinds of dressing on the side!
* When you are walking away from the table and the guest says, 'Well, he is obviously gay.'
* "I'll have the all-you-can-eat pasta bowl!"
* People who bitch
* Strangers who insist on talking to other strangers at length!
* "What is the soup of the day?" [Nevermind that we've had the same three soups, every day, for like 13 years.]
* Small big trays [The smaller busser trays they're making us carry now, I'll add in my hatred of the additional rule that only three plates (and a Tour of Italy plate counts as two) can be carried on a tray at a time]
* "Luncheon special spaghetti"
* Sunday
* People who can't TIP
* "I'll take a small Coke." Sorry, this is not Burger King. We have one size.
* Hillbillies that get on my nerves, and smell bad
* Getting hammered 15 minutes before the relief comes on
* Server: "Would you all like to start off with an appetizer?"
Guest: "Naw, just the salad and breadsticks." or "Yeah, we'll have the salad and breadsticks." [People, the salad and bread are part of your meal. Cheap-asses.]
* Food with special instructions that people pull out of the window and run without paying attention to the mods written right on the damn ticket
* When the line guys mess up food and then yell at us and/or give attitude like it's our fault, when we ask to get it fixed
* One person in a large party has to have something different about their salad (dressing, no cheese, no veggies, etc.)
* People who ask for no butter and/or garlic on their breadsticks
* When no one at the table will look at or talk to you, and getting any information from them (such as their order) is like pulling teeth
* When people come in with a chip on their shoulder and proceed to take it out on you the whole time you wait on them
* "Extra extra extra lemon" in their water and then they make lemonade with the sweetener on the table instead of actually paying for lemonade
* Tables trying to be helpful, but not really, by doing a horrible, precarious job of stacking plates
* People who ask for sides of dressing to dip their breadsticks in, instead of paying for dipping sauce
* People who PILE as much of their dirty plates and silverware as possible on you when you're trying to pre-bus the table [It kills me how often people do this to me, especially when I only have one free arm]
* People who ask for one thing every time you come to the table, instead of asking for a few things at once
* People who tip 50% or more in change
* People who wait for ridiculous change (a penny, nine cents, etc.)
* People who bitch because we carry Coke products instead of Pepsi
* People who bitch about the breadsticks and want the Tuscan or ciabatta bread
* People who want "just a small box" and holler when you bring the smallest box that we have (apparently, the box isn't small enough)
* Servers who never run their food when you're expediting and then after doing half their job for them all night, they only tip a dollar or two (particularly if they try to sell some sob story about not making any money that night.. I've run all their food, and seen the amount of tables they had, do they take me for a dummy?)

Currently Playing...
Song: 10,000 Maniacs - These Are the Days
Book: Chang and Eng by Darin Strauss

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