Friday, April 09, 2004

The Weekly Update

I guess I'm kind of grateful the weeks are going by so fast. I'm always in such a hurry to get through everything so I can get on to the next thing. Like I really wish I had a 'fast-forward' option for my life. (that and a 'save game' function.) I'm not so good about living in the moment.. I hate the drudgery of details and having to slowly work my way from one thing to the next.

I like ideas. I find that I often like the idea of something better than the actual thing, so I'm always impatient to get onto the next. I like the idea of being in school and of being a student, I just want to have my degree already. I find the pace to be slow and I'm impatient to finish already. I hate Parkersburg and am so totally jealous that Mikey gets to live in Columbus. I want out of this state!

The thing is, I can't move to Columbus. I have a plan and am finally on track with my life. As I told my mom, this plan is non-negotiable. I've fucked around too long and I just cannot continue to live my life as a waitress barely scraping by. I hate this shit, and frankly, I'm too old for it. I want a real job with real money and real challenges. I want to learn things and use my brain. I want to associate with relatively intelligent people. I want tolerance and open minds.

Even if it means an 8 am Intermediate Algebra class this summer. Blehhhhh. You have no idea how horrendous THAT is going to be for me; I'm not sure I can even fall asleep early enough to not be a sleep-deprived zombie for the term. But then I have to force myself to really look into my goal and realize how much I want it. I know it's worth the dedication and sacrifices (and no, I don't mean having to get up at the asscrack of dawn). And I'm extremely determined; when I want something, I get it.

I'm just impatient. I hate the process, I just want to be there already, damn it.

I have until the end of December, then I will be moving, fleeing, from Parkersburg. I don't know how much better Morgantown will be, but I can't even tell you how totally excited I am to finally be attending university. I think the campus atmosphere alone will be worlds better.

And then on the other hand, Angie is here, and my time with her has been wonderful. We've been spending quite a bit of time together -- the 11th will be a month -- and she's definitely making Pburg more tolerable. She makes me feel happy and cared about, which is really nice. I've been kind of unsure as to how much I want to post about it here, since I know she'll eventually read it, so I tend to just put off posting because I don't know what to say.

So, yeah, call me shy.

Currently Playing...
Song: Reel Big Fish - I Hate You Fuck You Leave Me Alone