Saturday, April 03, 2004

Slackety-Slack, Don't Come Back


I have been beeeezy. I cannot believe it's been a week since I last posted. Sorry, guys. I've become one of those bloggers who suddenly gets a life and consequently the blog turns into a wasteland, complete with rolling tumbleweeds and the sound of the wind whistling through the emptiness.

I helped Mikey move up to Columbus yesterday, and while I dread the whole moving thing -- I personally have moved far more in my lifetime than any one person should -- it was actually far easier than I'd expected. For one, he was actually ready to go when I got there, and all that was left to do was put a few boxes in my car and get his mattress and box spring on top of my car.

My regular readers know I drive a really hot, super-sexy car; a '93 Subaru Legacy Wagon. It's alternately 'The Grocery-Getter' and ' The Mom-Mobile', and what a chick magnet, I tell ya. I am not knocking my baby, however much I might poke fun at it, because this car has been so good to me. And until you actually own a station wagon, you probably don't realize just how handy they can be.

Mikey was convinced that he could put his full-size mattress and box spring inside my car, but I knew there was no way. I mean, yeah, the wagon part is relatively spacious, but from past experience of cramming an assload of crap into the back of my car, I knew no bed was going to fit in there. I have a ski rack on top, so it took some work, but I finally convinced him that the best plan would be to simply lash his bed to that.

I was left to my dykely devices as far as my plans for that, which included large sheets of plastic (I personally thanked God for the rain on moving day), duct tape, and rope. He wouldn't even go to Homo Depot with me, but whatever. Tarps were kind of expensive, so I ended up buying a couple big rolls of plastic drop cloths, instead. Despite my purchase of the cheapest duct tape that I later regretted because it wouldn't stick to the plastic, I got some nice, pretty rope for him that I get to keep. Whee!

I admit here that I was slightly apprehensive about this whole thing, because usually when I do something like what I was intending, I have someone more knowledgeable to back me up, check my work, or make suggestions. This time, I was completely on my own and I knew that if something bad happened, like losing the bed on the highway at 60 mph, it would be entirely my fault. He was totally freaking out while I was trying to work, making it even harder to concentrate on the task at hand, and consequently making me even more afraid than I already was. I had to pretend like it was No Big Thang and that I had it all under control, so I was forced to send him inside a few times to smoke a cigarette and leave me alone to think and do my thing.

Part of the problem is that my ski rack only covers about 3/4 of my roof, so I was a little concerned about the front half of the bed lifting up while I was driving. I ended up running rope through the front of the car, through the passenger and driver side windows. I almost brought my digital camera, and I wish I had. I should have gotten a picture of my car when I finished, it was so classy.

The drop cloths were black plastic, more than slightly reminiscent of trash bags, and wrapped around with lots of silver duct tape. Super-classy, let me tell you. The rope I bought at Homo Depot was 1000 feet, and I did get it all tied down, but I knew I would feel better if we had one more length of rope to finish the job. I felt like the box spring was very secure, but I was afraid I'd used too much rope on that, on the bottom, and that the mattress on top was needing a bit more lashing down.

So we got all packed up and the bed tied on, and ran to get a quick dinner before stopping by K-Mart for more rope. I finished the job in about five minutes, with the last length of rope. I was still a little afraid of my skills in the lashing-down department, even though I've seen enough people do it, as well as my rope/knot experience through my years of sailing and horseback riding. It's just been a while, and I've never had to take full responsibility for this sort of thing. So I was extremely nervous.

I was worrying for nothing, because that bitch was a masterpiece of dykely engineering! The bed didn't move one bit during the entire drive (even at speeds above 65.. fucking Mikey taking off like a bat out of hell right outside Columbus, causing me to lose him in the traffic), the ropes held, and the mattress/box spring and my car arrived intact. Not only that, but getting it untied was also quite easy.

When I started wrapping the bed in plastic, Mikey stood back and said, "See, this is why people need lesbians in their lives.. I have no idea where to start. You just do your thing."

At least I can tell people I strapped one on for Mikey now! Ha!

I'm extremely pleased with myself. And I feel like somebody owes me a stamp on my Dyke Card.

I met Mikey's new roommates, who are a lesbian couple, obviously quite unaware of what they've gotten themselves into. Hahahaha. Jen looks a bit like Lori Petty, and the other one is Mullet Queen from Hell. I mean, wow.. what a mullet. Curly red hair almost down to her butt, shaved sides, and business up front. They seem cool, and I'm so jealous because I got a glimpse of the area around where he's living, and I kept going, "Ooohhhh.. Trader Joes... Ooohhhh.. Chipotle... Ooohhh.. Borders.... Ooohhhhh.. Old Navy.... No fair.."

I've felt on the verge of a cold for the past few days, with symptoms of feeling run down, achy, sore lymph nodes, etc. and after working at OG in the morning, working in the cold drizzle to lash the bed on my car, driving two hours, yadda yadda, I was starting to not feel very well once we'd finished. And sitting in the den with the heat on really high and all of the smoke from their cigarettes made me feel even worse. I was supposed to stay the night, but I just couldn't. Not only did the heat and the smoke make me feel really ill, I felt weird about staying in a strange house.

So I drove home last night, and bid my gay boyfriend goodbye. Sniffle.



Currently Playing...
Song: Cornershop - Forty-five
Obsessing Over: Nothing, because obsessing would require more brain power than I possess at the moment.

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