Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Feh, I Say

It's that time of month yet again -- PMS has crept up from behind, pounced, and I'm currently being beaten into submission. I don't know what it is, but I feel even more tired, worn down, depressed, and sensitive than usual. I don't know if the feeling worn down has to do with my feeling like I'm getting sick, or whether that is because I'm feeling run down. All I know is that my throat started hurting before I went to bed last night, and it stuck with me all night, making it really difficult to sleep. That and the fear that creepy bugs might drop off the ceiling and fall into bed at any point during the night.

Angie has a creepy bug problem in her bedroom. She mentioned that she thinks that it's due to the roof leaking in that part of the house, and that there's probably a huge infestation of these bugs loving it in the dark, damp attic. I don't exactly know what kind of bugs they are; they're what we used to call pincher bugs when I was a kid, but I think they're otherwise known as earwigs. They're gross and creepy in any case, and Angie's suspicion is that they're coming out of the heating/cooling vent in the ceiling, since they keep appearing on the ceiling directly over the bed.

And yes, twice now has she woken up to find one crawling on her, so you can imagine the multitude of false itches and various insect-falling-on-me-while-I'm-sleeping fantasies that kept me from actually dozing off. Plus, as I mentioned, my throat hurt, and the room, and subsequently I, were hot due to the warm weather, so I couldn't seem to get or stay comfortable in any one position. I tossed and turned until I fell asleep and then basically woke up every hour or two and had to go through the whole process again.

Needless to say, I feel tired. And sick. And emotional. And needy. And just irked in general. I know I'm probably not pleasant to be around like this, and I suspect that I'm more than my normal amount of snarky and touchy. I don't know why this is. Whether I'm noticing it more, whether it's a result of some things, or whether the things I'm taking negatively are being distorted in my perception.

I talked to her about it, and while I felt a little better last night, I still just have this gut bad feeling that I can't shake. I'm kind of confused because I find that usually I should trust my gut, but that goes against what Angie is saying to me. I kind of feel like I'm freaking out a little and I think the solution to that will be a couple days alone. I need space. I need time to think, to calm down, to back up a little. It feels a little insane in my head and I have to take a breather to get shit back in order.

Angie and I are supposed to go to this march in D.C. this coming weekend, and frankly, in my current state, I'm a little apprehensive. I mean, I'm praying that the being-all-over-the-place phase of PMS with have passed by Saturday, so that we can have the fun weekend we've been planning. Subjecting her to this all weekend would not be enjoyable for either of us.

I want to write more about my feelings, but I'll have to put that in my paper journal. Meanwhile, send me hugs and lots of Prozac.

I have to say, though, that I had the best pizza yesterday (and leftovers today). I've been absolutely craving tomatoes and basil for the past month or so, and what I really wanted was what the Italians call a margherita pizza.. cheese, lots of tomatoes, and lots of fresh basil. I'd wanted to get one from work but never did because I didn't want the line guys yelling at me for requesting basil (something we normally don't offer on pizza). I was going to make one with ingredients from Wal-Mart, but then decided that it would be less work and about the same price if I ordered it to go from work.

I can't even describe how good it was.. it's been a while since I craved anything, and I was so happy it was just as good as I'd been imagining. Yum.

Currently Playing...
Song: Veruca Salt - Seether
Obsessing Over: Untangling my knots

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