Friday, February 27, 2004

Something's Fishy in Psycho Lesbian Drama Land..

Here's the thing. After getting over my initial shock at the desecration of my poor car, I began piecing clues together. I am Scorpio, after all, therefore I am Detective, too.

Once the disbelief passed, my first thought was, Did Jennifer do it?

The more I figure out, the more the evidence points directly to her. Don't get me wrong, though, I'm not trying to pin the blame on her just because she's a psycho freak. Hell... frankly, I would love to know for certain that Jennifer isn't the kind of person that would do a thing like this.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present you my collection of evidence.

Parkersburg is relatively low in crime. It's not unheard of to leave your car running outside while you run in somewhere, much less simply leaving the doors unlocked. That's not to say crime doesn't happen, but in general, it's not one of our biggest problems.

My car is a dark blue '93 Subaru Legacy station wagon. And not in very fantastic condition, either.

My car was fairly prominently displayed in the side lot where we'd parked, and visible from the front of the bar. Jennifer and Jessie know what my car looks like.

I had nothing of value in the car. The three things I had worth more than $10 were left in the car (tape player, CD adapter, box of tapes). Since the CD adapter was on the floor after they dumped the contents of my glove box, it was obvious they'd seen it. They'd also pushed in my cup holder and tossed my cup on the floor, exposing my tape deck. So they had to have seen that, too.

I don't know why anyone would want to steal my car, as the only thing really going for it is that it runs. Beyond that, there was no attempt to hotwire the car, and frankly, they didn't even need to. They removed the lock and tumbler, exposing the case in the steering column. The car started at the mechanics, before my very eyes, with a screwdriver. Once they had the lock out, any person with a screwdriver could have started my car and driven it away. But they didn't. Why?

I was only in the bar for two hours. During this time, there was a nasty altercation with Jennifer and she left really pissed off. It was Jennifer's birthday and she was really fucking drunk, even more than I have seen her before (and that's saying something). I had been pushing her buttons to get her worked up because I didn't care and it amused me. But then she really got into it with Mikey and she got so angry that she basically grabbed her niece and they left shortly afterward. I personally believe that Jennifer was too drunk to physically have the manual coordination it would take to pop out my ignition lock, but of course anything is possible.

Wednesday was her niece's birthday, so they went out to celebrate, and then at midnight, they celebrated Jennifer's. Normally, Jessie has been extremely cool with me, and I though we got along fine. She seemed way less drunk than Jennifer, much more collected, and she didn't seem angry at all when she and Jennifer left. She said goodbye to me and Mikey, called him 'sweetie', I wished her a happy birthday, it was quite pleasant and civil.

It was also Wednesday night/Thursday morning, which means most of town was at home, if not sleeping. On one hand this could make a theft attempt easier, but for some reason I feel like it's actually less likely to have it happen then, than, say, on a Friday or Saturday night. Two sets of cops arrived very quickly, too, indicating a lack of crime elsewhere.

The most plausible theory is that after they walked out of the bar, they sat in the car for a little bit, with Jennifer flipping out in one of her drunken rages. I figure after a while of that, Jennifer probably noticed my car and decided to do something to it. It seems unlike Jessie to contribute to this, especially since I've been really nice to her, but if she had to listen to Jennifer bitch for an hour, she may have finally just said something like, Okay, here.. there you go and popped the ignition out.

So there you have it. Since I'm not the only one asking the question, Was it Jennifer?, I can't shake it. It's just too weird and too fishy. My gut just keeps coming back to Jennifer.

Currently Playing...
Song: Sheryl Crow and Friends, Live From Central Park - Entire Album
Book: Bel Canto

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