Saturday, January 24, 2004


I have really grown to dislike the whole bar scene around here. I mean, we have two gay bars, but they're populated with the same fairly small crowd of people. It also leans heavily toward the male side -- what I would give for a decent lesbian bar!

Anyhow, I waited on the guys the last time they were in town, and they were super nice. They were coming to Utopia (the new bar) tonight for another party, so I kind of wanted to go out because maybe I'd run into them, or maybe just maybe there might actually be a lesbian with them to check out.

Also Cindy and Angie from work were planning on going, too, so I thought it might be fun. I kind of forgot that Saturdays are male stripper night, which explained Cindy and Angie's eagerness to go out. I just have to say that does nothing for me, the men up there gyrating and taking their clothes off and shaking their dangly bits. So I got to sit there, nursing my one drink, watching the two straight girls working themselves into a quiver over the strippers.

Whee. I dunno.. usually I can tolerate it, but tonight, I wasn't really feeling it. I ran into a friend of Marla (my date) and we chatted briefly, then she asked me if I thought she was a freak. I'm hoping she was drunk, because if she' wasn't, maybe she is a freak. And then another friend of Marla's that I'd met last week stopped to sit and talk with me.

His name is Andy, and he was surprised that I remembered him. I remembered for a few reasons, but the main reason was he made such a strong first impression on me even before I met him. The first time I noticed him, I was sitting at the bar with Mikey and Andy was a few people over loudly bitching to the poor bartender about his drink; I forget what it was, but it apparently had too much pineapple and this was a major problem for him.

Mikey and I just stared at him as he negotiated rudely with the bartender. He was demanding, condescending, and really snotty. He also looks like he just stepped out of 1983. You totally wouldn't believe it. He has a total 80's haircut, long on the short side, and swept backwards. Then his outfits.. he seems to favor sweaters with a rolled-down turtleneck of some kind underneath. You can imagine I was a little appalled after I'd agreed to go out with Marla and then discovered he was a friend of hers.

So anyway, Andy sits down and starts talking to me. After a brief chat, he suddenly mentions that I'm going on a date with a really dear friend of his, and then starts giving me what I think were tips on how to get in good with Marla. He told me her qualities, then repeatedly cautioned me to not hurt her.

My impression of him from the other night had already cooled me to him, and this "protective friend" thing really turned me off. I mean, on one hand, I feel a little relief that she has someone who would so strongly vouch for her, but how many times do I have to be told?

Then these "tips" he was giving me. I could have died. He told me that Marla likes to be flattered and that I should compliment her a lot. He said I had to do my hair down and really nice, and wear nice clothes, and put on makeup, and be prissy. Marla apparently likes really prissy girls. I was a little offended, because he sure seemed to be assuming a lot by coming over and giving me this advice. I tried to tell him I'd planned on wearing my hair down, but he didn't care to hear anything I had to say, and just kept on talking and doling out little tidbits of wisdom.

When he told me to wear makeup and to be prissy, I put my foot down. I told him that I hate makeup and won't wear it, and that I'm not prissy. He then stated again all the improvements he envisioned, lipstick, blush, eyeliner; and that Marla likes prissy girls, as if he didn't even hear me.

I told him again that I'm not prissy and that I don't wear makeup, then smiled sweetly at him. He backed off and said something like he thought we'd get along well and stuff. Whatever, dude. 1983 called and they want their hairstyle back.

I am so nervous about this damn date and I just cannot wait to get it over with. Is that bad?

I didn't last very long at the bar.. maybe an hour. I got tired of looking at the naked men and same tired selection of mullets.

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