...this month is almost over with. Only 5 more hours to go and this craptastic month from hell will be done and over with. Yes, I am actually counting down the hours. I have never been so ecstatic to see a month disappear.
It seems like the iron fist of the universe is slowly releasing its stranglehold. Small, good things are starting to happen again. It all started with the firefly and the CD. Then I got a short reprieve on the fine for my traffic ticket. Tips have been better (finally!). And my mom, who just surprises me sometimes with just how fucking awesome she is, sent me $50 to buy myself something nice.
She and her best friend started up a new business, and apparently they're doing very, very well. I guess she's doing well enough to send me off a bit of money. Very nice of her. :)
I am so tempted to spend the $50 on my bills, but I feel like that's not a gift. I mean, she told me to buy something nice for myself, and I'm not going to get much enjoyment out of just using it on bills. And if I sent someone money and wanted them to treat themselves because I know they never can afford to, it would disappoint me if they didn't get much enjoyment out of it.
So I still haven't totally decided, but I know right off that what I need is a new pair of shoes. I've been wearing the same pair for 3+ years, and it's really just time to retire them and get new ones. I could use some bras, too, but I can buy them later, on my own. What I really want is a new pair of shoes. So that makes me happy, my mom's little surprise for me.
Other crap has not been resolved, but I at least have less things on my plate now.
Thursday, July 31, 2003
Posted by A at 4:12 PM
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Yeah, I feel like ranting a little bit. I came across this article, and I was just in total disbelief. It's not bad enough that Clinton passed the Defense of Marriage Act during his term, but Bush wants additional legislation to 'reinforce' that marriage is solely between a man and a woman.
Our government is severely fucked up, if this is one of their top priorities. Instead of spending money and time on things like fixing our schools, taking care of seniors and kids that are falling through the cracks, or getting health care for everyone, they're going to instead spend it legislating their own right-wing, Christian morality, and trying to make sure everyone in this country knows that gay people are 'sinners' that don't require a second thought.
When did this country become about our leaders legislating their own morality? Isn't this a democracy? Shouldn't our President be focusing on more serious things, and spending less time and energy making a point against what two people in love can and can't do?
My consolation is that other countries recognize, or are beginning to recognize, gay unions. Vermont was a huge step in the right direction for our country. I know that sometime during my life, I will eventually be able to marry the person I'm in love with. It simply pisses me off that in this day and age, where everyone preaches tolerance, it's still so far away.
Who says marriage is only between a man and a woman? The Bible? And what happened to separation of church and state? Since when does the Bible call the shots in this country?
I don't believe in bitching, but not doing anything about the problem. Add your name to the MillionForMarriage petition.
Posted by A at 3:40 PM
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
Monday, July 28, 2003
So.. Um... Yeah.
I have finally gotten to the point where I give up and surrender to the universe. If it wants to screw with me, let it. I obviously can't do anything but take the punches as they come.
I was thinking tonight that June was absolutely golden. It might have been the most awesome month of my life.. and everything was going right. It's strange that July would turn out to be completely opposite.. instead of being given good things, I'm having things taken away.
Things are easier now that I've surrendered. I'm done with spending energy being pissed off. I did a bit of letter-writing, which also helped me sort and purge a lot of the crap I was feeling. I feel a lot calmer now.
The weird thing is, after that, tonight I got two 'signs' of good luck. The first one was a lightning bug that somehow got into my apartment, and was flitting around on my desk. It was glowing and everything. I grew up in the city, so as you can imagine, my childhood was pretty devoid of lightning bugs. Most kids have caught and kept them, and before tonight, I'd never seen one close up, much less touched one. One thing I like about living here is all the lightning bugs in the summer; they're so neat.
In any case, I caught the lightning bug in my bare hands and put it outside. If it's not a good luck sign, then at least I'm attracting other insects besides roaches and flies.
And THEN I realized I seemed to be missing some CDs, so I went on a hunt for my CD books. I found them in the still-unpacked duffel bag I took to SimuCon. When I opened the first one, I was amazed to find a CD of MP3s that I'd burned for the drive to St. Louis. My carmates both had portable MP3 players with them, but neither of them worked, so we never listened to the CD. Since I don't have an MP3 player, I promptly forgot about the CD.
I was a bit peeved when I hooked up this computer and found that I had no MP3s on it whatsoever. I swear I had a whole library, but I must have deleted it when I switched PCs. The CD doesn't have any of my new favorites, but it has plenty of songs I really like.. so I'm very, very happy.
I dare not hope that my luck is changing, but at least something positive finally happened.
Posted by A at 10:46 PM
Just Make It Stop!
I have been incredibly pissed off about my computer dying; so much so that I have refused to do just about anything on this computer. Actually, I can't do half of the things I normally do, anyway, on this old-ass computer. I don't want to curse it too much, in case it, too, decides to break down and fuck me over.
Well, any and all good luck I was reaping and crowing over in June -- gone. Gone, gone, gone. I am so totally broke in general and more things just keep piling on top of everything else. I keep waiting for it to stop; keep thinking it must, yet it just doesn't. I keep praying for a miracle, having completely surrendered to my bad luck and general fucked-ness, thinking, hoping, that if I trust in the universe to provide for me, it will.
Work is downright awful these days. I can't remember the last time I had a good, easy shift and left with decent money in my pocket. It seems like every facet of my life is determined to be as difficult as possible. I absolutely love how everything decided to turn to shit all at once. I could handle one or two bad things at a time, you know, but currently I'm pretty much drowning in heaps of woe.
I may not make it into school this semester, as I really wanted to. I spaced out on financial aid stuff and then a couple weeks ago, all of a sudden realized just how close the start of the next semester is. The financial aid office told me I wouldn't have the money by the start of school. I have no idea what I'm going to do about that.
I am totally and completely overwhelmed. I'm miserable. I'm frustrated. I'm desperate for just ONE good thing to happen. I'm even considering going and selling plasma just so I have money to pay my bills.
Posted by A at 11:41 AM
Sunday, July 20, 2003
Yes, Universe, I Will Bend Over and Take It!
That basically sums it up. My computer died this afternoon, once and for all. I really can't type on this old, stuck-ass keyboard and this computer is slow as hell, so I probably won't be blogging much for a while.
I need a new motherboard/CPU and have to figure out some way to get it.
Alena is NOT happy.
Posted by A at 9:06 PM
Thursday, July 17, 2003
BLAH, I say!
I have to say, first of all, that it cracks me up when people misspell the word 'grammer'. Especially in message board posts where the person is smacking someone else down for bad spelling and/or grammar. I rather dig the irony of it.
Work is really getting me down. I don't seem to be having very many good days these days, and my crappy days just have continually gotten worse. It's like I can guarantee that every other shift or so, someone will complain, either about me or about something else, and get their bill comped. This is not cool by me. It first of all pisses me off that these stupid fucking people are not above resorting to bald-faced lying in order to embellish their complaint, making me look really bad, at least until the manager can come talk to me.
I'm tired of this. I'm so fucking tired of dealing with this endless bullshit. The people I wait on are generally a very miserable bunch to deal with. The only thing I can think is that this job is meant to teach me humility and how not to treat people. I certainly have learned a lot about how I feel about basic human respect.
Today was another exceptionally bad day. And yeah, I did almost cry. I came on at 11, and there were 3 tables pushed together in our room, awaiting a party of 17 that was supposed to arrive at 11:30 (nevermind the party of 33 that walked in AT 11, and Rose and Jessica got slammed with first thing). No biggie, until the hosts filled up the rest of our room. We hadn't figured out yet who was going to be taking the party, and since the restaurant wasn't busy, we were going to go in order.
My first table sat down at probably 11:15, my second table sat down at about 11:40. At 11:45, the entire party of 17 rolls in. Mike and I get stuck with it, and I then tried to juggle both two tables, as well as a party of 9. At restaurants like Applebee's, you can run five tables at once pretty easily. My record there was 11 tables, so I'm no slouch. Olive Garden is different because there are all these various steps, the salad and breadsticks, dealing with bread/salad refills on top of refills of everything else. So it is different, more involved and time-consuming, and can be challenging to run even four tables at once, much less two and a party.
I was running my ass off trying to get things for all my tables. My first table finished up and cashed out with no issue, but the second table insisted on being demanding the entire time, even though they could plainly see that I was incredibly busy and not intending to ignore them. Every visit to the table, they had at least one demand. It's the kind of table I usually avoid visiting because I get tired of hearing "Can we have this?" "We need this." "I need a refill." "Can we have more this, this, and this?" But honestly, I had no time to avoid anything, I was seriously just too busy.
And they didn't go totally ignored. They had drinks on the table, though I just remembered I forgot the kid's water when she finished her shake, they always had bread and salad.. they got their food hot and fresh. I don't get the deal.
Now, at the beginning of their meal, we ran out of breadsticks because Rose and Jessica had to use them all for their party. I guess the guy who was working on bread/appetizers/pizza was really swamped, because everything was taking forever. One of the managers finally had to throw bread in the oven because the app guy was too busy. The table waited a long time for bread, but that's not my fault, and there's nothing I can do about it except nag the app guy.
So this table of mine ordered two pizzas, and yeah, the guy was slammed, so it might have taken a bit longer than normal. But it didn't seem to me like it had taken an inordinately long time to get there. They'd been eating their salad and bread pretty much the whole time, so it didn't seem like they could be too starving or anything, and it wasn't like they'd been sitting there unoccupied.
They finished, ordered a piece of black tie mousse cake for the kid, and at the same time they were eating the cake, the party of 17 was finishing up, cashing out, getting ready to go. My other table at some point just got up and went to the front. I had way too much to deal with already to deal with this fucking other table, I just couldn't believe it. One of the hosts helped me out and got the lady's credit card, I ran it and took it up to the front.
Next thing I know, Doug the manager is up front talking to her, she's going on about how bad the service was -- right in front of me. I handed her the credit card, shrugged, and said, "Sorry."
Doug comes into the side station all rared up and asking me all sorts of questions. Apparently the woman had flat-out lied to him and told him they got there at 11:00, and since it was about 12:30 or 12:45 at that point, that made me look REALLY bad. Then I stopped and thought about it for a second. I knew what time the big party got there because I was pissed that they were 15 minutes late, as it had totally screwed us. My other table sat down right before that, so they hadn't been there any earlier than 11:30.
Doug comped the whole damn thing.
I told him that there was no way in hell any of my tables was going to sit there as long as the lady said she did. If I know something is taking a really long time, even if it's because I screwed up, I will get a manager and see how they want me to handle it (even if it means sucking it up and going out there and admitting I've fucked up).
And I look back on the ladies' behavior and it was almost like they were being purposefully demanding, like they got some sort of glee from it. I don't know if this is because they knew how busy I was and were determined to be as demanding as possible anyway, or if they just delighted in piling on more crap for me to do and watching me sweat.
What bitches. How can I possibly give you good service when I'm slammed and you just keep adding to the pile?
Add that in with the table a month or so ago that told me I have a bad attitude. Actually, I believe the exact quote is, "You know, I don't like your attitude." The funny thing is, I really was not giving them attitude; I was actually trying very hard, and being very good in minding my tone and my tongue. I was being pleasant and civil, and trying to turn the focus from the man's rudeness and aggression to something else.
And I do find it funny that whenever someone doesn't like my attitude, which thankfully I hear less of these days, it's usually when I'm making an effort to not be rude. So it makes me want to reply, "Ha! You think this is attitude? Honey, I can show you attitude."
Then add in party-of-9 asshole. And several other dickhead people I've waited on recently. I'm basically asking myself at this point if it's me. Are these people reacting to something I'm doing, that I'm not even aware of? Or are they just assholes? Am I really an awful server? Or are these people just bitchy?
I wish I knew. That's part of what's getting me down. I used to think I was a pretty good server, but I don't know anymore. Maybe I really suck. Maybe I am rude. I know I feel like being condescending most of the time.
And you know, I often find myself thinking, "Oh.. That's why I've felt so weird and out-of-sorts lately" whenever my period starts. I don't know whether all this weirdness and rollercoastering I've felt lately has been a product of being infused in hormones. I sure as hell hope so, because I'd like to get back to normal, thanks.
And lastly, I'm exchanging the CD burner. Of course, I have to ship the one I have back to Polaroid, and they won't send me a new one until they get it. I was hoping they'd do what Kensington did: just ship me a new mouse and tell me to put the old one in the box and send it back. Ah well.. I have to wrap the damn box in brown paper and all that, and who knows how much it'll cost to ship. F$%king Polaroid.
If I felt confident that replacing the drive would work, I probably would be all about it. But since I have no faith anymore, I think I'll just bang my head on my keyboard for a while.
Posted by A at 8:46 PM
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
My Computer is Possessed By Satan
It is. Rilly.
Polaroid finally wrote me back. They sent me a zipped bundle of stuff that is supposedly the firmware for my CD burner. Why they don't include the firmware with the burner, I have no idea. I also received some vague, convoluted instructions on downloading files and creating a DOS boot disk, and I flailed around with that until I realized that XP comes with an option to create a DOS boot disk. Did the Polaroid tech guy even read my email? Or should I be concerned that the tech guy isn't aware of this option within XP?
Anyway, I flailed around some more and managed to boot up in DOS, managed to get the firmware utility running.. and then when I go to select W to write the firmware update, the damn bloody fucking thing hangs. I even let it sit for 45 minutes, in hopes that it was just taking a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally long time. But no.
I have no faith anymore that anything can make this sheep-shagging CD burner work. I don't even think a firmware update will work. I'm not sure exchanging it for another one will work. No faith, I say. You see how Polaroid has ripped my dreams from me??
In an enterprising moment, I also wrote to the folks at Nero (my burning software). It was going to be a contest to see who would reply first, but Polaroid responded sooner than I expected. In any case, I wrote them back regarding my firmware issues [insert Viagra joke here], so we'll see what happens from here.
The flies finally died. I now have a cleaning conundrum, because I have about 30 flies dead on the inside of my windowsill, and I'd like to avoid reaching in and manually removing them. The problem lies in the fact that I don't own a vacuum or dustbusting sort of appliance. I got sick of looking at all the dead bugs on the floor and swept my carpet tonight (yes, I am living in the 18th century). I found some suspicious-looking insect casings behind my kitchen garbage can, so I assume that that is my evidence of fly babies (I refuse to say the M-word). I still have absolutely no clue why they were hatched there, it's not like I keep rotting animal carcasses behind my trash can.
It's just way too disgusting to deal with, and I'm glad that affair is mostly finished with. I may have to ask around and see if any of my friends has a dustbuster dealie I can borrow. I was thinking tonight that I seriously need a vacuum cleaner. I mean, I feel like such an idiot when I sweep my carpet, plus I know I'd feel much better about things if I could vacuum; at least then, it would seem somewhat more sanitary when I finished.
I was also fairly productive and did my laundry today, getting in a good hour or so of journal time. The only time I write in my journal these days is when I have to work out thoughts and feelings that I'm not prepared for the whole world to see. Actually, I probably wouldn't care if the whole world read it, since the whole world doesn't know me personally.. but there are things I'd rather process before presenting them to people I do know to read.
In any case, at the time I wasn't sure whether my journal entry might eventually turn into a letter, since there were some things in there that I'd just discovered, as well as some clarifications on other things. That's what I love about my journal.. I basically get to talk to myself like I'm talking to someone else, and then start working out my problems and thoughts and things, until they seem clearer. Often I'll have insights that never occurred to me; it's sort of like brainstorming with myself.
Anyway, I read over the entry, and finished it, and I think it's fine as it is. I may use it for reference in the future, but I'm at least settled with how I feel at the moment.
Other than that, I'm preparing for another work week, and praying that it's better than it has been lately. I like clinging to whatever remaining bits of sanity I have left, ya know?
Posted by A at 9:42 PM
Monday, July 14, 2003
My Bloginality is ENFP.
I just took a random personality test and when I scored as an ENFP, I thought, no way. I've always come up as an I(ntrovert).. this test must be wrong.
So I went to The Personality Page, a site I've used in the past, to check out ENFPs. And then I proceeded to sit and read through the description with my mouth hanging open. Yeah, that's most definitely me. Pretty crazy. I'd always figured I was an introvert because of my definite need for time alone to regroup and center. But it turns out that that is part of being an ENFP. It's kind of funny, I had a late-night table a couple of weeks ago, and somehow we got into the topic of the Myers-Briggs test and the different personalities. One of the men told me, "You are not an introvert." I disagreed and made a case against it, but I guess he was right!
I found one site that had a quote I liked: "ENFPs have what some call a 'silly switch.' They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence." Just a big kid sometimes, I am, indeed.
Nifty, I learned something new. Now I have to read the rest of the stuff on ENFPs. :D
More on ENFPs:
Typelogic - ENFP
Hale Online - ENFP
Socionics.com - ENFP
Facts About ENFPs
ENFP - The Champion Style
Personality Type - ENFP
Posted by A at 10:23 PM
The Best Error Message Ever
I clicked on a link and got this error message:
So you've reached the big 4 0 4 have you then?
404: page not found
We apologise, but in your current state of mind,
it is impossible to view the page you are trying to reach. This could be caused
by it's non-existence, though there are a few well known cures.
- Lick the mouse. This bizare method usually clears 404's straight away. It
is advisable not to kiss anyone after, as many mice do fester diseases,
especially if you have let them loose before.
- Try standing up and spinning your self 15 times on the spot. Return to
your chair and continue your experience with this website.
- Threaten your computer with a screwdriver (make sure it is star headed,
they don't fall for tricks these days).
- Take 4 vodka shots. This seems to cure most things these days.
- Get K-Meleon a brilliant web
- Are you using Windows? Well that's your first mistake!
- If all the above do not work, we strongly suggest hiring an exorcist to
look at your computer and check for spirit violations.
- In the extreme chance none of the above work, try
bribing the webmaster by e-mail him, maybe then he will fix it (goto the
main page and click on contact or at the link on the bottom of this page) or take
your computer to spain. Many computers work much better when they feel
E-Mail The Webmaster
Posted by A at 6:35 PM
I'm sorting through an unwieldy mass of bookmarks. I have no idea how many bookmarks I have, but it's gotten out of control. I keep saving links to post here, and then they get lost in an overwhelming list that I never feel like dealing with. And like my MP3s, my bookmarks are fairly meticulously organized. It's the Virgo in me, what can I say.
I found a cool site called Albino Blacksheep, which has all sorts of random video clips anda host of all sorts of other stuff. I just watched Conspiracy Theory Rock: Media-Opoly by Robert Smigel (the animator for SNL). The video was banned from TV (particularly NBC) for obvious reasons. RealPlayer Required.
Slap Her... She's French is also strangely fun. I cackled when I got my first SUPERSLAP!!!. (and just for Jen, Spank the Monkey)
Next up is WatchMeDance.com, which is very work- and kid-safe to view (in fact, your kids may get a kick out of watching it); it simply is what it says -- a very enthusiastic and brave young man getting down in some random places. He carries a boom box with him. Very much worth watching (I guarantee you will laugh).
Peter works at a zoo, and is friends with a diverse number of zoo animals. He's taken a bunch of pictures and put them up on website for folks to look at. When Peter isn't getting mauled by vultures, or devoured by an ibis, he has a really cool job.
Normally, I really hate toilet humor and I don't find it amusing in the least. Well, this video is the exception. I had to watch it at least five times, I was laughing so hard. I especially love the end.
I don't know about you, but a great deal of valuable class time during my youth was spent constructively on the game M.A.S.H. Forget Miss Cleo.. why waste time on that, when M.A.S.H. has been long-known to be the most accurate tool for the divination of the future? Since we played every day, and got different answers each time, I'm still awaiting my Porsche and Lamborghini.. along with about 100 various people I was supposed to marry. Now you, too, can play M.A.S.H. online.
My favorite kittens song, which seems to have mysteriously disappeared from rathergood.com.
Lastly, in the "Random Flash" category, we have Five More Minutes. Make of it what you will.
This... I can't remember where I found this photograph online, but this will likely be my next art purchase. I love this photo. I'm tempted to freak out my house guests by displaying it in my living room.
by Tanya Chalkin
Posted by A at 3:22 PM
Sunday, July 13, 2003
I'm Pulling My Hair Out
Okay, so.. the CD burner problem has been deemed unsolvable. My friend Paul came over this afternoon to check out the situation. Mostly I really needed someone to come and LOOK at the damn thing and make sure I shoved the plugs in the correct thingers. I freely admit I am not a techie; I'm just glad to know what I do.
He also brought over a spare master/slave jumper, since I was unable to find one around here. We could really use a computer store, I swear to god. While Paul seems to have fixed a couple other problems I was having, the CD burner went back to non-functioning status as soon as he left. I may need to pay him to hang out with me whenever I want to burn something.
We did actually manage to burn a CD, and we thought the fucking thing was finally working. At this point, now that I know it's installed correctly, that I have all the correct software bits I'm supposed to, that everything is as it should be -- I think I have a broken burner. So now I'm really mad, mostly at Polaroid for subjecting me to months of hell because of a broken CD burner. I've been close to ramming a knife through the damn thing. I want to kill it.
Yeah, I know it was only $20 and that I shouldn't sweat it; maybe just get another. But you see how much anguish this $20 has bought me? It's the principle of the thing. I'm pissed off at Polaroid, and by gum, they are going to exchange this piece of crap-ass plastic and wires they call a CD burner.
I wrote Polaroid, but haven't heard anything yet. Of course, a multi-million dollar corporation such as Polaroid wouldn't possibly have a toll-free number to call for customer service. No.. you have your choice of a number based in southern California, or an email address.
Grrrrrrr. I will be avenged!
And then, after a fairly crappy work week, I come home this afternoon, looking forward to my upcoming days off. Rest and relaxation. And lo and behold, what is the first thing to greet me when I walk in the door?
That's right, not only do I rent space in a roach motel, I suddenly have an Amityville Horror-size infestation of flies. I noticed a couple flies in here last night and was kind of wondering how they got in.. I have screens on my open windows, and a tightly-fitting screen door.
After I got over my initial creepy-crawlies, disgust, and shock, I quickly closed each window and trapped the flies between the screen and the glass. It's not very nice of me, and I don't like killing things, especially slowly like that, but you know, I just am not prepared to deal with the kind of situation that would result if I opened the windows and let them out.
I counted 32 flies trapped in the more populated of the two windows. I killed several that I didn't trap with Raid.. and there are a few more in the other window. So that's something like 40 flies in my house at once. Amityville Horror, I swear to god. First roaches, now this? Someone save me because I may go out of my mind.
Even though when you really think about it, it's so absolutely fucking disgusting... the only thing Jan and I could think of is that flies hatched somewhere in my house. The thing is, after I'd got the situation taken care of, that very thing occurred to me, and I scoured the house looking for anything that might shed a clue on where the hell all these flies came from. I couldn't find anything. It's baffling.
Ugh... I'll have to clean them up when they die.
And what kills me is that while I'm not the most organized person, I generally don't live in dirty conditions nor is my house extremely disgusting or anything. I mean, the roaches never show up in the kitchen; they always pop up on my computer desk (for some bizarre reason I can't fathom) and in the bathroom. Yet there are disgusting, nasty, food-scavenging insects all over my house. WTF?!
Please fix my CD burner and make the insects go away. Thank you.
Posted by A at 5:00 PM
Saturday, July 12, 2003
Friday, July 11, 2003
I just noticed that the last time I posted was Tuesday. I've been so lax! Truthfully, I've either been too tired or too busy to stir up enough motivation to write. That, and other than random bitchiness about work, I haven't had a heck of a lot to post. I've been a little tired of thinking and analyzing anything going on, so I've just been kind of sitting back and pushing everything out of my head.
I am now completely fed up with my piece of shit CD burner, and if I had the proper tools, I would smash it into tiny pieces and fling them off my front porch. However, I had a discussion with Alex about possible problem causes due to my uninformed, flail-around-till-it-works installation. Turns out I might need another master/slave jumper or something. I pray to god that it works.. it pisses me off to own a CD burner that I can't even use (even though I only paid $20 for it, but you know, it's the principle of the thing!). Besides, I got these really cool blank CDs yesterday that I'm dying to use. They look exactly like mini vinyl records, it rocks. Le sigh.
And then we got hit with this HUGE storm yesterday. I'd just been telling my mom to not worry if she hears on the news that there's major flooding and damage happening in WV, since we're always flooding. And up until yesterday, even though we've been having a lot of rain and a lot of storms in general, we rarely ever flood here. Most of the really serious flooding has been in southern WV and in Ohio. I was out blank CD shopping, to test my theory that my CD burner prefers black-bottomed CDs (keep your dirty jokes to yourselves). It seemed like the burner worked fine on my black TDK disks, yet when I try to use the normal CDs, I get all sorts of crashes and errors.
The storm hit when I was in OfficeMax, and man, you have never seen a rainstorm until you see a WV summer storm. I swear, we don't get rain like that in CA. Storms here can dump two inches of rain in a matter of 15 minutes or less, and because it drops mass quantities of water all at once, the roads turn into one big sheet of water. I could hear how hard it was raining while inside the store, so I decided to walk out and wait under the awning for it to let up enough to run out to my car. I saw some OfficeMax guys out there smoking, so I figured, what the hell, and went outside.
Well, within about five minutes, my entire backside was wet. Not wet, but sopping wet. This was because not only was it raining cats and dogs, the wind was really strong and blowing all the water sideways. So since I was already half-wet and the rain didn't appear to be letting up, I figured I'd make a dash to my car. I was going to have to change anyway, when I got home.
Oh my god. I have never been in rain like that. By the time I'd walked the 150 or so feet to my car, I was drenched. I looked like I'd jumped into a swimming pool. The drive home was pretty scary.. every road had at least an inch of rain, and my poor station wagon isn't equipped to drive through that sort of thing. I mean, if I had a truck, I wouldn't sweat it. It was really scary driving the 5 minutes to my house.. I wasn't sure whether my car would get stuck in a deep puddle (and it felt like it might, a couple times), whether I'd lose control, or whether I'd make it home safely. I was freezing by the time I got inside my house (where I had the a/c running, of course).
You know.. I rarely, if ever, dream about actual people from my life.. if I do, it's often not even really the person, but someone random in my dream that represents them. And I swear to god, Jan was in every freaking dream I had last night. And there was even a dream with a tiger in it, with me and Jan.. and when I woke up, I was like.. what the fuck, a tiger? And a bear? And then it occurred to me.. duh, tiger reference (that makes no sense to anyone but me and Jan, but just trust me on this and go with it).
Just weird. The tiger was pretty tame. It was like hanging out on the steps of a pool or something with us, while the bear off in the distance kept taking people out when they'd try to walk by it or whatever. That part is because I've been playing Rise of Nations and on high resolution, when infantry units die, they go BOING and fly up in the air and then land on the ground, dead. So people walking by the bear would die like that. Boing.
I'm beyond trying to analyze most of my dreams. They're usually very odd, non-linear, and random. I have no idea what all these dreams mean, other than I'm thinking about Jan a lot. Just call me Dr. Alena.
And then.. Alex started pasting me about this weiner incident at a ballpark, and the more I read it, the funnier it seemed.. so I'm going to post the article here. The sausage jokes alone are fairly unbearable, but I've highlighted some of the better sentences in the article.
A Teeny Weenie Fine
By Amy Shipley
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, July 11, 2003; Page D01
Wurst came to worst late Wednesday night when a Pittsburgh Pirates player was arrested on battery charges and later cited for disorderly conduct after hitting an Italian sausage mascot in Milwaukee with a bat.
Pirates first baseman Randall Simon received a $432 fine for using a half-swing to topple one of the four mascots participating in the customary race of the sausages between innings at Miller Park.
The teetering sausage, beaned by Simon in front of the Pirates' dugout, tumbled into the hot dog running alongside and both fell. The two women inside the costumes were treated at the ballpark for skinned knees, a sheriff's spokesman said. The bratwurst and Polish sausage were uninjured.
The incident set off an investigation by the Milwaukee District Attorney's Office -- which decided yesterday against filing criminal charges -- and caused a contrite Simon to insist that he had no intention of smoking the meats.
"I wasn't trying to knock her out," Simon told reporters before Pittsburgh's 5-4 victory in Milwaukee yesterday. "I was trying to tap the head and let her finish the race. Unfortunately, she lost her balance."
Immediately after the game, Simon was read his Miranda rights, arrested, handcuffed and taken to the Milwaukee County Jail, where he was released after being photographed and fingerprinted. The police report indicated that he was "cooperative." He later explained that he had nudged the mascot in fun.
"I thought at the moment they were trying to play with us," he told reporters. "They were running right next to the players."
At 8:30 a.m. yesterday, Simon met for two hours with Deputy District Attorney Jon Reddin, who said he also grilled the hot dog, Italian sausage and one independent witness. Reddin said the injured mascots, Brewers employees identified by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel as Mandy Block (the sausage), 19, and Veronica Piech, 19, agreed that Simon did not intend to hurt them.
Block, who reportedly stands 5 feet 3 and comes up only to the waist of the oversize sausage suit, requested an autographed bat from Simon, who signed bats for both women and gave them to the Brewers.
"We had no intention of prosecuting this criminally," Reddin said, adding with a chuckle that "this is the wurst case I've ever had."
The Brewers' chairman of the board is Wendy Selig-Prieb, daughter of Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig, who relinquished his ownership of the Brewers when he assumed his current post full-time.
In a statement, Selig said baseball officials were reviewing the situation. "Obviously, the type of behavior exhibited by Mr. Simon is anathema to the family entertainment that we are trying to provide in our ballparks and is wholly unacceptable," Selig said in the statement.
The mascots are sponsored by the Klement's Sausage Co., which sells sausage products at Miller Park. James Klement, co-president of the company, said from its Milwaukee office that he was "shocked and disappointed" in Simon's action, but acknowledged that the costumes -- more than eight feet tall and about 50 pounds -- are susceptible to toppling.
"Those sausage costumes are very top-heavy," he said. "Any slight off-balance [action], the wind, anything, can tip it over pretty quickly. . . . you still shouldn't be fooling around with a bat in that area."
Simon swung his bat at the sausage as it ran within arm's length of the dugout. Struggling to get up, the Italian sausage was helped to its feet by the Polish sausage. The hot dog got up without assistance and resumed the competition. The bratwurst, unencumbered, waddled to victory in the event, which is normally a public relations "race" that the participants take turns winning.
The incident was a meaty one for 24-hour sports Web sites and TV networks. A tape of the incident was replayed continuously on espn.com and msnbc.com. NBC's "Today Show'' featured the knockdown and ESPN News reports called it "Sausagegate."
The Pirates issued a statement yesterday apologizing for the incident and saying it would be dealt with internally.
Brewers executive vice president Rick Schlessinger said two scheduled races between the Brewers' Racing Sausages and the Pirates' team of racing pirogis were still on. The mascot challenges are set for Aug. 15 in Pittsburgh and Aug. 22 in Milwaukee.
"Right now," Pittsburgh director of media relations Jim Trdinich said about the upcoming contests, "it's no holds barred."
Simon was booed at yesterday's game in his only appearance, when he was used as a pinch hitter in the seventh inning. He grounded out.
"I've never been in any situation like this," Simon said. "I've never hurt anybody in my life."
Deputy Inspector Sherry Warichak of the Milwaukee sheriff's office said a number of callers had complained about the light-hearted characterization of the beaning by the media.
"The bottom line is that the guy hit somebody with a baseball bat," she said. "As comical as the sausage issue is, it still has to be looked at seriously and reasonably, which we have done and the district attorney's office did."
The Associated Press contributed to this report.
© 2003 The Washington Post Company
Posted by A at 11:49 AM
Tuesday, July 08, 2003
There's a thread on the GS rogue boards about all the dumb, dangerous things we've done in the past and somehow came out of alive. I posted a couple of things, like my touching the electric fence when I was in France, and then for some reason, I thought of this particular story today. I just posted this on the boards there, but I figure I'll post it here, too.
Re: I dunno what's worse....
Hehehe.. I also have to add this story.. because it does amaze me still, to this day, that I wasn't killed.
I grew up in San Francisco, and of course everyone knows about how crazy the hills are there. I was pretty young, maybe 5, and we lived in the Marina District, right on the corner of Scott and Greenwich. The street running parallel to us on the other side of the block was incredibly steep and led down to one of the busiest streets in San Francisco -- Lombard St. running through the Marina.
One afternoon, I decided it would be fun to ride my bike down the steep street and see how fast I could go. I didn't have hand-grip brakes, only the pedal air brakes, but I was cautious, because the entire scenario was a bit scary (and when I say that hill is steep and huge, I'm not exaggerating). I let my bike go some, tested the brakes, let it go again, tested the brakes.
When I was satisfied that the brakes would hold, I let her rip. I tore down that hill at a speed faster than any 5-year-old should achieve for many years to come. I began to panic as I shot down the hill, and went to step on the brakes to slow down, and guess what -- my air brakes had given out, presumably due to the high velocity of my bike.
So there I was, hurtling toward 6-lane Lombard St., my brakes gone, and unable to stop. I quickly gave up on the brakes and set my feet down on the ground, trying to slow or stop the bike with foot power. It may have slowed me a bit, but it didn't stop or save me.
All of a sudden, I'm at the bottom of the hill. There was a big cement light pole on the corner, and I was headed straight for it. I don't remember what was going through my head, whether I had any plan at that point, or whether I was operating on pure terror. All I know is that I hit that light pole head-on. Literally. I had a huge bloody mess on my forehead where my skull had connected with the light pole.
But that's not the end of it.. because when someone hits an object at high velocity, they tend to go flying. Once I smacked into the pole, I was carried off my bike and landed IN THE STREET. Picture it... a busy road with a zillion cars rushing by. I was very dazed at that point, and I have no idea how I wasn't hit by a car and killed.
These two nice people stopped and helped me -- I figure it's probably distressing to see a bleeding 5-year-old lying in the street -- and brought me home. Aside from a cut and big bruise on my forehead, I was fine. No permanent damage (unless you consider how said incident has affected my current brain damage) -- not even a scar.
It's things like that that make me think that even though I've hurt myself doing dumb things, I've had some sort of guardian angel working overtime to keep my stupid ass out of real harm. ;)
Posted by A at 12:20 PM
Sunday, July 06, 2003
Man, I am sooooo tired. I couldn't fall asleep last night (and somehow didn't think to take the Tylenol PM), so I was up and about until about 6:30am or so. I think I got about 4 hours of sleep. Maybe. I'm surprised I haven't passed out yet.
I am so glad this work week is over. It's been just icky and bad, pretty much, other than the 4th of July. I personally have not felt my usual self; I've just been kind of grouchy and bitter for no real reason. I've pretty much figured out the cause is PMS, so I'm sure I'll be fine. I had some really shitty customers this week, too. I had a near-repeat of my party of 9 with this ass at one of my tables today, who, even though there were only three people at the table, for whatever reason decided he was going to sit at the head of the table, with his chair totally in the aisle.
When the hosts cap the tables like that, to make a 4-person table accomodate 5, it irritates me. The head of the table is mine as a server. It's my zone, and having something blocking that (including high chairs) is annoying and awkward. And the fact that this guy, for no reason I could determine, decided he would sit out in the middle of the aisle.. that did not start me off on a good foot with them. I tried to ask him why he was sitting like that, in a joking manner, but he got snippy with me and asked if there was a problem with it.
I don't know if I really do have more of an attitude than I used to, or if it's just that I've been really unlucky lately with customers either disliking me or being incredibly rude for no reason. I don't feel like I'm acting any different, but who knows. Maybe I have been more bitter at work lately, without realizing it. I really hate most of our customers. I just am so beyond over the stupidity, cheapness, and rudeness!
I'd get another job, but alternatives around here are not great. So I'll stick out OG until... I hope not until I finish school, but eh. Maybe. Gah, that sucks.
Now that I've vented, everything else is fine. I'm waiting for a suitable amount of time to pass before I go back to the college, in order for my transcripts to arrive so I can see which classes will transfer over, and I can work on my schedule and financial aid. Trying to get caught up on bills. Trying to relax and stop thinking so damn much. Trying not to kill customers at work! :P
Posted by A at 10:19 PM
Saturday, July 05, 2003
Friday, July 04, 2003
Actually, I know what the dream means.
Posted by A at 11:41 PM
Analyze My Dream
I was just talking to Alex in IMs and was reminded of this weird dream I woke up to this morning. I have no idea what it means, but I bet it's something good.
Me (2:01:24 AM): I had this really weird dream last night, I want people to tell me what they think.
Me (2:01:43 AM): I was leading a horse up all sorts of stairs and escalators to get it on the top floor of a tall building
Me (2:02:16 AM): I don't know why.. I just wanted it or something.
Alex (2:02:57 AM): heh..
Alex (2:03:00 AM): that was a great mental image
Me (2:03:09 AM): Hehehe
Me (2:03:13 AM): It was hard!
Alex (2:03:18 AM): I bet
Alex (2:03:26 AM): I can just imagine you tugging on the reins and it standing there
Me (2:04:00 AM): Heheheh. Actually, it was pretty complacent. But the escalators were all different, and some were a lot harder to get a hoof-hold on
Posted by A at 11:12 PM
How to Take 8 Friends to Olive Garden and Eat for $8
Yes, friends, it's true. You, too, can bring eight of your buddies out to Olive Garden and get your meal free! All you pay is whatever piddly excuse for a tip you leave for your server to compensate for mental pain and anguish.
I was all revved up to post about this earlier than now, but my computer does this fun thing recently where it will suddenly just restart, completely out of nowhere, for no reason. The excitement is never knowing whether I should save a copy of something to disk, or whether I'll be safe. Kind of like data Russian Roulette.
You see, I had a party of 9 come in yesterday. Usually I am all about the parties of eight or more, because we add an 18% gratuity to the checks. It can be hard work taking a large party, but if their bill is big, it can really pay off when tip time rolls around. And since nothing around here is a guarantee because everyone is cheap, no matter their walk of life, having that guaranteed gratuity makes it worth the hard work. You know that no matter what happens, you will be getting that 18%.
The party was pretty much half kids, so upon first glance, I kind of groaned inwardly. But the people seemed nice, and I started to get their drink order. Everything progressed fairly normally until I had brought the salad and breadsticks out. I tried to get everyone's attention at once to ask if they wanted cheese on the salad, but they were all busy talking to each other, so I had to ask several times before I got an answer from everyone. I finally asked if anyone did NOT want cheese on the salad.
A little boy raised his hand and said very politely that he didn't want cheese. Trying to be a good server and all, I started walking to the side of the table where the boy was sitting, with an un-cheesed salad, and asked him if he wanted some salad before I put cheese on it.
The boy didn't even have a chance to answer, when the goateed man sitting at the head of the table barked at me in a rude tone of voice, "Ma'am? Would you just put cheese on the salad and put it on the table? We have to get going with this thing."
At that point, I was staring at him, quite likely with a WTF! expression on my face. After few moments of letting it all sink in, I walked back to my salad tray, my hands in the air in defeat, and kind of shaking my head. I was in total disbelief that this guy had been so totally rude to me. I put the salad down, put cheese on it and tossed it, and placed both bowls on the table; one on the kids' side, and one directly in front of goatee man. All completely silently. They may have thanked me, but I didn't say anything and just walked away.
After that, I was completely normal with everyone else, who appeared somewhat embarrassed for the way goatee man had treated me, and were trying to be doubly polite and nice to me because of it. I appreciated that, so I was nice to them. I completely ignored the asshole. Inexplicably, he thanked me for everything, but I didn't respond.
They were going the fairly cheap route.. most of the adults had soup and salad and goatee man just had only soup. For the nine of them, the bill was only $55.. that's damn cheap, really. But you know, I was thinking about getting them their food and getting them the fuck out of there.
Salad, breadstick, and drink refills were given without problem while their food was cooking. I and another server brought their food out, and goatee man was gone. I wondered if he'd left, since he'd seemed in such a hurry, or if he'd only gone to the bathroom. I was hoping for the former, but I didn't figure I'd get that lucky.
To the contrary, things were just about to get even worse.
I went back into the alley for something for another table, and my GM comes up to me, looking pissed off. Bill is not a guy who is fun when he's pissed. I spend most of my time at OG trying to fly under the radar and keep Bill light with jokes and stuff. So I was thinking, Oh shit as he walked up to me. He said, "Alena. Alena. What is the problem." (he wasn't asking, he was demanding)
I looked at him blankly.. I had absolutely no idea WHAT he was talking about.. I hadn't done anything illegal except give my table a lot of breadsticks, but I didn't figure he'd gone out to count them (though that seems to be one of his favorite activities). I answered, "Uh... I don't know.. what problem?"
Then he told me goatee man from my party had gone up front and demanded to see a manager, then proceeded to rip into Bill about my shitty service and how they waited 22 minutes for salad, blah blah.. He fed Bill all this complete bullshit, was ripping into me, ripping into everything, creating a big scene.
I mean, I was thinking about it... 22 minutes.. and I figured out how the guy came up with that number (cause they did NOT wait 22 minutes for salad). See, 20 seems like a long time to wait. More than 20 would be more impressive, but 25 sounds too accurate. 22 is a pretty random number, so it might seem like he actually timed it.
Anyway, so Bill was telling me all of this, and was just going, "Uuuuhhhh..." and then Bill said, "I took care of it" and tapped the bill he was holding.
I stared at him incredulously, not wanting to believe. "What do you mean, you took care of it?"
He replied, "I comped it."
I continued to stare. "The whole thing??"
"The whole thing."
So at that point, I'm thinking, You complete fucking bastard, you won after all. Because with no balance on the check, no grat. And the only thing that was getting me through this entire ordeal with the table was knowing that at the end, no matter what the prick fucktard said, they still had to tip me. I wanted to win. It pissed me the hell off.
Bill walked away, and the other people in the alley were all just staring at me in disbelief, because they'd overheard. That was kind of the breaking point for me, I started swearing and saying 'God damn it' a lot, and then I finally started crying. I was crying because this asshole at my table pissed me off so much. If we'd been on the street and he spoke to me the way he did, I would have jumped all over his shit and told him about a hundred various things he could do to himself. But you know, it's the whole basic respect thing, that it kills me because he's rude to people and can hide behind the shield of being a customer. I doubt he'd dare speak to me or any of us the way he did, if he weren't protected by the idea that we might lose our jobs if we react.
I was also really pissed off that I wouldn't be getting any sort of compensation to make up for having to deal with this table. I was really fucking mad, let me tell you. I cried, and it felt good. I tend to usually only cry at work; I bottle everything up usually and then some asshole I'm waiting on will set me off and push me over that edge. Then I end up in tears.
I love my coworkers.. I can't say that enough. We're one huge family. And so a bunch of them all banded together to take care of the Table From Hell for me while I composed myself. Once I'd gotten my face less puffy and red, I went back out there. Instead of ignoring goatee pricktard, I was downright cold to him. If anyone else asked me for something, I was on it immediately. When he asked me for something, I took longer. At this point, I didn't care, and as long as I wasn't outright rude to him, I was pretty safe. So I kept my mouth shut and showed him what shitty service is really like.
Bill then came up to me and asked my why I was so upset, since it wasn't my fault. Now, when Bill says something nice to you, you know he means it, cause he really isn't too free with the compliments most of the time. So I knew he didn't blame me, and that he knew I hadn't been slow, nor had I given the table bad service. I explained to Bill that the guy was very rude to me from the beginning, but that I was still giving them all good service. I even showed him the ticket, which showed I sent their salads at 2:01.. and since it was 2:35 when the guy was complaining (and they'd just gotten their food), it was obvious the guy was using what I call 'customer time', which tends to vary from the real amount of time elapsed (in an expanded, exaggerated way, of course).
Bill said he'd comp the ticket because this guy wasn't going to be satisfied with anything less, and that he had to avoid the guy going to corporate and complaining. But Bill was really pissed off about it and said it was (and I quote) "bullshit".
Anyway, they finished their meals, I delivered boxes and mints, and then asshole goatee man asked for his check. I didn't even think about it until I got back into the sidestation. So I walked back out there, and he was sitting with some cash in his hand. I told him, "You don't have a check, so.. have a good afternoon."
All while thinking, Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out..
He then went to hand me the cash he was holding, and even though I was frankly quite surprised and a bit stunned that he was going to leave me a tip, I reached out to accept it. However, he wouldn't just let it be that easy, no. He held onto the cash as I went to take it from him, and started to talk to me about talking to Bill. I was thinking, Dude, you really don't want to get into this with me..
He told me some crap about how he didn't really think it was my fault and that was why he was giving me a tip, that he knew it was the kitchen, and blah blah blah. And I just couldn't even fucking believe this guy. He treated me (and a host and the General Manager) like insignificant crap, and then proceeds to get all magnanimous on me. Whatever. Just get the hell out of my restaurant, bye, seeya. And go fuck yourself while you're at it, kthx.
And there you have it, folks. How you, too, can bring eight people to Olive Garden and eat for $8.
And then there was tonight, which was just really random and bizarre. I started out my shift with a party of 12. Hurrah for the grat. I knew we'd be pretty slow because of the holiday, so I was happy to get a chance to make a nice chunk of a tip. They were pretty cool in general, though there was one guy that was just grumpy and evil the entire meal. He ordered a steak and proceeded to throw a minor fit when it came to the table and he discovered we didn't have worcestershire sauce, only A-1. Well, yeah, maybe we don't have a vast selection of steak sauces because we're an Italian restaurant and you're lucky to be even getting a steak? I swan, people. I'm going to kill someone one of these days.
The grat on that was $27, which was pretty good. Then I got a party of 9 shortly thereafter, of a bunch of really cool people. They had some smartasses at the table, so I had a lot of fun picking on and joking around with them. On top of it, I was doing my stupid wine glass trick, where I pile on like 10 glasses and hold them in one hand. I usually get them balanced perfectly and know they won't fall. Lately, I haven't been succeeding very well, and tonight, I had almost all the glasses, and then one broke! Yeah, it broke in my hands and also fell on one of the guys at the table. Ooooooops. I felt really bad about it, because it was the first time the glasses had broken, and you know, it probably isn't fun to be showered in glass shards.
They had a lot of water and soup and salad, so the grat wasn't huge, but not bad at about $16. That put me up at over $40 for only a couple of hours' work. And that wasn't including the other tables I'd run at the same time. So I was pretty pleased. And then, the kicker, after having broken the glass on the guy and all that, they left me $18 over the grat! I remember now that one guy had said their son was a waiter, but I didn't think much about it because a lot of people say things like that and it never reflects in their tip. But yeah, awesome table, awesome tip.
I was thinking I may have one non-closing Friday night, for once.. I got there second, the hosts designated April as the closer, I thought I would be out of there around 10 or 10:30. Ohhhhh no, no.. April got a call and had to go home because her house was on fire. The validity of that is up for discussion.
Yeah, so I got literally stuck into closing and didn't get out of there until 11:30. April had left in a rush and didn't do her sidework, so the rest of us had to take care of that. They let the busser and everyone go, so I had to bus my last table. The bartender, manager, and I were the last ones out; even the kitchen guys beat us! Garrgh.
But at least I made good money tonight -- walked out with 20%, and around here, that's an exceptional night. The coolest thing is that I have been seriously worried that I would not be able to make my rent this month (it's due on the 6th), because after having to buy groceries, gas, and cigarettes (the essentials), I didn't think I'd make enough money this weekend to be able to cover the rent. Especially with the way business has been fairly slow lately. I counted it all up tonight, and I have enough to make rent, as well as start paying on some of my late bills.
I have learned that the one thing I'm good at is scraping by. I never get ahead, but I do get by. When I lived in Santa Cruz, I remember thinking how amazing it was that I had enough money to cover everything every month. I never really had anything left over, but I was always able to get by with necessities and some small luxuries. While reading The Alchemist, I connected that with something said in the book, about having faith in the universe because it will always provide for you. So because I was so anxious about this rent payment coming up, I was also curious to see whether the universe would provide the luck I needed to make enough money.
And it did. Very cool. It's also a big relief!
Posted by A at 10:36 PM
Wednesday, July 02, 2003
I'm feeling fairly bitter and frustrated at the moment. But you know, I can't say I'm surprised; I've been sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
So I'm going to rant a little because I feel like it, damn it. I'm sitting here, thinking about some things, and the main thought right now is that I'm going to be who I am, and if people can't handle it, that's too bad. I grew up apologizing for who I was; I'm tired of that shit and refuse to do it anymore. I think I'm a pretty cool person overall, and I can get along with most people. If someone doesn't like me, who the fuck cares. It's their deal, not mine.
I warned you that I'm feeling bitter.
As I said, I can't say I'm entirely all that surprised at the current turn of events. If it's anyone's fault, it's my own, because I'm just so adept at screwing everything up. Effortlessly, even.
I also feel like bitching about how often I have to cut my fingernails. I swear it feels like I do it all the fucking time.. is it normal for my nails to grow this fast?! And it's not like it's due to good diet, either.
You know you're lazy when:
1) You buy microwaveable hot dogs (in special vented packaging)
2) You know the precise amount of seconds it takes to heat up enough to split the plastic along the sides to avoid wrestling with adult-proof packaging, without causing the hot dogs to explode.
I've fallen in love with semi-colons; they rock.
Posted by A at 4:57 PM
Tuesday, July 01, 2003
Well, I've been feeling pretty writer's-blocked lately, which is why my entries have been kind of random. I'm still not able to write about what I want to write about, but I think I've given up on trying to analyze everything to the nth degree. Which is good.. doing that is quite tiring. So basically, the plan is wait and see, since the feelings I can label, I'm not able to really process now anyway; I just sort of have to be patient and see what happens.
What I do know is that I already miss Jan and it sucks that we live so far apart (though as I said in a previous post, I think that, too, is for a reason). I burned her a CD and sent it yesterday... I'm definitely nervous to have that out there, to not know how she'll take it, and to have to wait a week or so for it to get there. I can be really impatient sometimes and snail mail is one of the more frustrating things, especially when I'm used to the instant gratification of emails.
I just keep telling myself it will work out, no matter what happens. Whatever is supposed to happen will happen. I suddenly find myself with way too much free time and desperately needing something to do to help me stop thinking. It's not even really that I consciously think about things; it will all of a sudden sneak up on me, whether a song reminds me of something, or a commercial, or whatever. It'll hit me, I struggle with it for a minute, and then try to push it aside again.
I'm tired of thinking. And I'm trying to work on patience.
I do have to mention some recent visitors and their searches because, well, it makes me shake my head. Some Canadian person visited my site 14 times, repeatedly, from the same search: "Kiro 7" & "streaker". 14 times? And then it's good to see that if someone is "nauseous after i eat", they can come to my site for some relief.
Posted by A at 11:46 AM